letters to tao

The Walking Dead?

2011-12-31T14:02:00.000-08:00

Well, I just watched the Walking Dead, the whole first series, streaming on youzee.
Got to say it'll probably stick in my mind for a while.
Then there's been a lot going in and a lot sticking, so I'm going to be like that kid in the Larson cartoon sticking his hand up and saying "please sir, can I be excused, my brain's full"
I also gots to say I'll probably be sticking with the dylan song from the wrap scene at the end more than anything.
I remember a line as

I can't hear my crooked footsteps, I can't see the echos of my (own) name

.
But doing a bit of looking 'round I can see that I heard all wrong

If today was not a crooked highway
If tonight i could finally stand tall
If tomorrow wasn't such a long time
Then lonesome would mean nothing to me at all.
Yes 'n' only if my own true love was waitin'
Yes 'n' if i could hear her heart a-softly poundin'
Only if she was lyin' by me
Then I'd lie in my bed once again.

I can't see my reflection in the waters
I can't speak the sounds that know no pain
I can't hear the echo of my footsteps
I can't remember the sound of my own name.
Yes 'n' only if my own true love was waitin'
Yes if i could hear her heart a-softly poundin'
Only if she was lyin' by me
Then I'd lie in my bed once again.

There's beauty in the silver singin' river
There's beauty in the sunrise in the sky
But none of these and nothin' else can match the beauty
That i remember in my true love's eyes.
Yes 'n' only if my own true love was waitin'
If i could hear her heart a-softly poundin'
Only if she was lyin' by me
Then I'd lie in my bed once again.

Yes 'n' only if my own true love was waitin'
If i could only hear her heart a-softly poundin'
Yes 'n' only if she was lyin' by me
Then I'd lie in my bed once again.

But then that's OK, I just adapted it to my own situation.

It's the last night of the year and the usual is to go round wishing everyone such a great time and a great new year and all that but that's not really me.
Shame ain't it, or maybe shameful. I do really think so and also know I should think so, so think so. arghhhh.I think Dylan seemed to say it pretty well. (credits, go to the first version on this page)

2011-12-07T23:38:00.001-08:00

Well, it seemed too good to be true, didn't it? Two posts in one day, but it was first day back syndrome. Anyway, it's not that much later and here I am again.I am off soon to work, even though it's a public holiday here in Madrid and I think in all of Spain. But since I don't exactly fit into the mainstream, I also don't follow the mainstream on their holidays. Although I have certainly had a light week, compared to usual. Light earnings too, of course. But that's part and parcel. Whatever that really means.And then, later, I have to paint, draw, study and clean my two bikes and do some long put off maintenance on one. The other, just clean it and nothing else. but cleaning them is always a big job, the way I do it. Others don't do it the same way. and some people just go to the service station and use the high pressure hose to wash it down. But I would not recommend that, nor would component manufacturers. Anyway, what an unexciting letter, no Tao. Send money and paint. I should look for a foto for you.

From ridereflections12112011_3

recent, (well, sort of recent, looks like the 12th of November) out on a walk collecting reflections...

A few more words

2011-12-03T14:30:00.001-08:00

added to the previous, as these will be added to in turn, if I can keep up this discipline for more than a few days. I should take advantage of the freedom of being alone in the house, although certainly not in the building, being in Madrid and all. I always wanted to avoid exactly what I have right now. In so many ways, and to start to work on having what I want instead. I 'spose it's knowing what I want that is the problem. Painting, drawing, abstract, realistic, hyper realism, illustration, cute doodling, a children's book, a set of sheets, I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now. Sung with passion and gusto, and completely in tune, to the tune of the analogous Queen song.Well, I just realised that the previous entry in this inauspicious blog, was actually this very same day, the one known as today. Having set the alarm this morning without changing the programmed hour, I was gently awakened by the beep, beep beep, although they are not the strident beeps of so many similar devices, but rather a gentle Chinese rolling balls sort of soft chimes. At least the first ones are that. If you ignore them, well they start to get all upset and in the end they are quite fucking insistent, although I don't really know why the gratuitous swearing there as I never allow the thing to go of for more than a bing or two, unless I have forgotten that I left it plugged in recharging far from my bedside and after batting for it in it's usual spot I finally have to panic and fly out of bed to get to it and shut down it's infernal din, although really it's not that bad.So, the upshot, at least for this stanza is that this morning although I had intended to get up at seven o'clock as I would usually do on a Saturday, I instead was gently woken at five AM and didn't even realise until I had raised myself to a standing position after having asked for ten minutes more once, and only once. I had already dressed, which being Madrid in the start of the winter, is not among the coldest places on Earth, but I bet my long lost childhood friends from places like Blackwater QLD would think it was cold enough. It certainly is cold enough for me. Too fucking cold actually. So once I had realised, the dilemma. Stay up or go back to bed. I imagined (as usual) all that I could get done in such a free gift of hours. So I took my clothes back off and got back in to bed with my Eni chiquitin, who hadn't moved a muscle really. But it wasn't for long. I was playing over in my mind the film about the successful artist, who never stops, and did just that:- never stop.So now it's the end of Saturday and I'm going to post.

giving up

2011-12-02T22:21:00.001-08:00

The most difficult part is the thought of losing friends, losing contact, losing friendships. As a child I moved often and in that way lost contact completely with my friends every two years and that is art of me. I never really minded in some ways (at that time) I particularly remember leaving Blackwater for the last time which means I must have been about, let me think about it..I did the last few months/weeks of grade 6 in the next town Buderim so that makes me 12 or so. Blackwater was where I first learned to ride a bike, at the ripe old age of ten. It was an old, and I mean old at that time, 26er. I think that's what they are called anyway. If I still lived in the same house, perhaps I would know. anyway. It was waaay to big for me to learn on in one sense, and it is probably a criminal offence these days to make your kids learn to ride a bike on one that's too big for them. But don't get me wrong, I think it was perfect to do so, don't let me make you think otherwise. We were mad as hatters then but now we've gone way past what's reasonable. I learned soon enough, blood and gravel rash are powerful motivating forces. I had, or I should say I've had some amazing stacks. I (also particularly) remember, on that same bike, which had apehangers, in a pretty upright position, held on by one of those old goosenecks going over a pothole and breaking aforementioned gooseneck clean in half. As you can imagine I was not long for this upright world at that point and although I seemed to have time to consider whether to study philosophy when I grew up, in that way that time has of , dilating I think the word is, stretching out in those points when disaster becomes inevitable, but hasn't happened yet. Funny enough I can't associate any particular scars to that particular spill, so it probably wasn't too bad. I would have been going all of seven miles an hour I suppose. A few years later in that next town, Buderim I remember touching wheels with my mate ... umm, I can picture him but I can't remember his name. I like to think I was going at 60 kph in this one, and it's pretty likely. I was going flat out downhill. I only had a Malvern Star ten speed, but still, flat out and downhill! Well, OK, it wasn't a particularly steep hill, like some around there, it was probably fifty, knowing what I know now. Still, knowing what I know now I would have bought that Peugeot that was in the bike shop instead of the Malvern Star. And then I am sure I would have become a pro. A domestic to be sure, but a pro cyclist all the same. Well, that's assuming that I met some cyclist around that moment instead of twenty three years later. later, always later. when the fuck am I going to learn to live in the moment. God, it's been a continual quest, but and incredibly unsuccessful. Focus Scotty, it's all about focus. Well, anyway that's an appropriate point at which to recognise that I have gotten a little off track here. I was trying to talk about the fact that I am giving up cycling, as such, or at least given up serious, competitive cycling. I will still be going out on my bike, and in fact I am going to do so this morning but I am no longer going to compete. I am sure I will still ride in the same way, always flat out, but I am not going to be systematically training so I will not be able to always seem to be, to those who quickly leave me behind. It has not been an easy decision, in the sense that I have been going over it in my head for a loooong time, but last Wednesday I was finally able to make it crystal clear. Wednesday morning I received a message cancelling my midday class, which opened up a world of possibilities for the day. I suddenly could blow off my Pilates class, and go out and train on what was a really splendid day, although certainly crisp, by any standards. The thing was, although I blew off the Pilates class, I felt much more desire to paint, than to train. I was torn to train, by my conditioning that it's necessary, and it certainly is necessary for a serious cyclist, but, am I that? A serious cyclist can't also work a long and demanding job if he wants to be a painter. And I am a painter. I have been a painter all my life, and I have spent too long not painting already. Those people who know me know I certainly took myself seriously as a cyclist, especially my second year racing, but I still couldn't change the fact that I started 23 years too late, and even then didn't keep it up seriously. Because I'm a fucking painter not a cyclist. I have to be able to admit that. Apparently I'm also a teacher. If I feel I am doing something as a teacher, then in a lot of ways I don't really mind. I am currently quite excited by a new method of English teaching that I have discovered and am thinking of adapting to the job of English Teacher in Madrid, no experience or Qualifications necessary. I really think it's the missing ingredient in the Madrilenian School of English teaching. I suddenly am imagining, visualising in fact, a chain of schools teaching a form of remedial English that opens up across Spain and indeed the world and sets out to fix the overwhelming problem of English Pronunciation and spelling, and finally making me financially independent in the process. Well, since I really do want to go for a ride this morning with my Saturday friends I will have to love you and leave you for a while so I can take my little buddy out and make it all happen.

Hi there, I'm not dead after all

2011-11-12T08:05:00.001-08:00

Hey there, Tao, buddy, pal,I know, I know, I haven't been treating you very well lately, nor any of your workmates. And now I've gotten all caught up in looking through the fotos and videos from yesterday and today, so I don't know how well this is going to go either.I'll be back, and indeed here I am. Now, that didn't take long, did it?I have made a selection of fotos and they are now winding there way up the interpipes and when they get there I'll stick a few up here to keep you entertained. I'll just deal with another distraction, that is sitting in front of me, since a good half an hour ago, and then I'll continue.Well, that distraction took 12 hours or so, but again, here I am. What to tell you. Well there's plenty in some ways, but most of it is to complain about what I can hardly stand, so I'm reticent to proceed. But there has been a couple of highlights, I suppose. I entered the Showdown on Saachionline with a work from a while back, one of my favourites. Follow the link. I am just taking advantage of the opportunity to upload a couple more works. My god, how I get sidetracked. (and my god is just a figure of speech, if anything it should be my gods)This could easily become the longest post in the world. In time between starting and finishing anyway. And I haven't actually told you anything yet. That's fucked up.

From ridereflections12112011_1

oh, it's useless, I can't concentrate on this and I'm going to leave it and try and get some drawing done. Sorry mateBig hugs and I promise I'll try again soonScott

The twenty seven club at 45?

2011-07-25T02:12:00.000-07:00

Hey there Tao, told you I would try and get back to you soon.
I'm in a bit of a bind at the moment. Of my own making, to be sure. I am wondering how to explain. Maybe I can't.
It's to do with cycling, and dying, and saving the world and cursing the world and art and cursing the art world and loving the leaves and living the lies and leaving the loves and I'm sure more than that.
I could start at the beginning but where the fuck is that?

From just_the_stuff

I started this saying that I am in a bit of a bind, so I suppose I should articulate the bind, if I can. On the surface level it's about what to do with my cycling. (it goes much deeper, I know that that but maybe I can get to that by a measured process of excavation)
I have been on the threshold of hanging up my bike, as they say in Spanish. I can't justify it to myself anymore, and yet I don't stop. This weekend I did another two hundred and seventy kilometres, with one potentially dangerous blow-out, and with a complete blow out of myself.

Didn't Cadel shine in the end. I have/had long stopped wanting him to win, and yet in the end it was a perfect ending to the best tour in years. And whoever that was that sang the national anthem of aussielandia certainly did a fantastic job, bringing a tear to my eye and making Cadel Evans act like a squirmy idiot, so as not to be seen crying.

But thank god the tour is over. I really wasn't going to watch it this year. It's just such a huge investment of time, but I think if it has ever been worth it, it was this year. It was really inspiring to watch Alberto Contador show us True Grit with those attacks even though he was obviously well off form. And as I noted before the ending was just how it needed to be. Cavendish winning the stage and showing he's well on the way to becoming the winningest rider on the tour ever. George Hincapie becoming the first rider ever to participate in 9 tour wins, with seven while riding for Armstrong, one with Alberto and now one for Cadel.
And in the end a podium with two brothers on it. And Cadel Evans, just when most, including myself had given up on him, coming out to stand on the top step of the Podium, that which he must have pictured everyday for the last ten years or more.

Anyway, back to me, although I am tempted to post this and call it a small triumph to get another missive off to you, but I know I haven't got into anything, even scratch the surface that I mentioned before. I sort of got side-tracked by thinking of the tour, and I could get side-tracked by Amy Winehouse and the 27 club as well. Funny, when I was that age I thought it was the 25 club, or at least I always thought I would be dead by 25, and when I woke up alive at 26 I sort of snapped out of it. Sort of. Wonder what would have happened if I had set 27 as the end point.

According to Alan Watts,

Camus said there is only one serious philosophical question, which is whether or not to commit suicide. I think there are four or five serious philosophical questions. The first one is 'Who started it?' The second is 'Are we going to make it?' The third is 'Where are we going to put it?' The fourth is 'Who's going to clean up?' And the fifth, 'Is it serious?'

And it can be hard to justify not topping oneself, when one walks around with ones eyes open in this culture. Of course the opposite could be said to be true when one walks around with ones eyes open in the world, even the smallest part of what is natural and wild, the forlorn struggle of a tiny "weed" to break through the cracks in the asphalt world we have made and you know that this will go on after this culture has finally played itself out.

Still, cycling, or still cycling. Damn, this stuff is hard.

Long time no see

2011-07-15T11:21:00.000-07:00

How are you old mate?

Sorry 'bout the silence on my end, but I haven't seen too much from you either.

I'm about the same in a lot of ways, but then again no. I'm getting near the end of a cycle, (jaja, how ironic) where I'm imaging that I will stop doing so much cycling. Well, in all reality, I already have. But I'm still racing, this weekend there's one.

But I am coming to the end of it. It's been really like a stopgap for me, filling in for living my life in a meaningful way

Maybe I'm going to hang some piccy and leave this as a post. At least it's like action. The next one shouldn't be so hard.

From bodafran3

My friends Fran's wedding, first and hopefully last wedding in a long time

see you soon

24 of March till 24 December

2007-12-24T13:32:00.000-08:00

Long pause
and then it's pretty unlikely that I will be writing you much Tao as I can't get my picasa web albums to work properly and without photos I don't blog.
I would like to write something profound, especially as it's been so long since I've spoken to you, but... I really don't feel up to it.
I'll try a little more before I give up completely.
It's christmas eve or noche buena, the good night. gotta love them Spaniards hey.
Even though I don't really think too much of them today. or at least the enormous number that seem to delight in throwing fireworks around day and night, reducing poor little eni to a nervous wreck who hasn't taken a crap all day as he's just to frightened when he's in the street to even think about what he normally does there.

well, on a sidetrack, the most amazing and ridiculous coincidence. I just noticed that the link to eni's blog in the sidebar was broken, (it's fixed now) and went in to the template to fix it. and I did it wrong the first time. Instead of putting http://hallegadoellider.blogspot.com, which is his URL for his blog, called naturally enough HA LLEGADO EL LIDER, the leader has arrived, I put http://hallegadoellider.blogpot.com and look where it leads. Surreal completely. How can that address be that site. There is no logic to that one!!

Well a bit of a search and the answer comes, or for those who enjoy a more entertaining although Spanish version. So it's just not a miracle of christmas after all.

well, there's a heap more I should tell you about, but I am feeling like turning in and think I might leave it until another moment.

tabblo test

2007-03-24T15:59:00.000-07:00

yes a big group of keen as punch, breveters showed up early in the morn to partake in this event, and a bunch of the peña went along for the ride.
below you can see my good mate Molina who drove me there in his taxi.
... See my Tabblo>

more on cycling

2007-03-12T06:15:00.000-07:00

some weeks back, when I was on the trainer Lourdes came and took some photos.
Doesn't really do much justice to the suffering but there you go.
oh I don't know what I want to say here, or, more accurately, don't know how to go about saying what I want to say.

I mean, why do I do it? Why do any of us amateurs and enthusiasts do it? It's a hell of a lot of suffering and sacrifice for, well, nothing, or just about nothing. I mean the closest I could go to describing why I do it would be that it's a hell of a lot of suffering and sacrifice. full stop. (redundant)
It gives me a feeling of accomplishment and, I suppose a feeling of superiority but the overall effect would hardly be called positive. The practice of cycling as a sport means that every sat and sun are completely taken up by first the early rising, the dog walk, the actual cycle outing (four hours or so now, much more in the coming months) and then the long afternoon of suffering; so called recuperation!
of course I have to take the doggy out again for an extended walk in the afternoon, to make amends for the hours that he has to spend waiting for me to come back.
And a couple of weekdays have to be about the same!
all that time that I could be painting or studying or fucking or sleeping or any of a number of other worthwhile pursuits. Dog knows I could just be watching television. But the same could be said of the time that I am here writing this. (not that I spend much time doing this, not at all.)
(and I don't watch television as a conscious act, or choice, just as I don't spend much money as a conscious choice, and because I don't have any of course.)
but it is a mystery.
anyway, I am not really saying what I want to and I have remembered another cycling related chore that I must do, so I think I might just leave it at that and go to put a sleeve in my front tire, after just one and a half outings, or about 200 kms, on a brand new tire, I got a puncture which was actually a cut, and although I didn't realise it was a cut and repaired it without a sleeve, I have a bit of a bulge there and would be happier if it was sleeved. so knowing that by the time I get around to having a coffee and organising the repair and so forth it will be time to get ready to go take my Monday classes.
so on that note, I wish you well tao and hope to come back soon with something to actually say.
love from Scott

hey-di ho

2007-03-12T00:51:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I will be doing much of a post.
I really should be doing something else with my time, I suppose.

but seeing as I am not in so bad a mood as normal and I have been feeling guilty for not posting...

maybe I could write you about cycling.

as you probably know I do a bit of cycling. 3123 kms since the first of jan. plus 17 hours on the trainer. what is not so apparent maybe is the level at which that cycling is done. I could point out the average speeds from outings, (between 30 and 34 km/hr) but that also might not mean much

I have recently received a new cycling computer, (a gift from some very good friends of mine) and it's a doozy and it has some tests, fitness and recuperation etc.
anyway it does a resting heart rate test and then estimates VO2 Max. and it gives me an estimate of 68. and tells you to compare with this

Fitness Level Classes

Your OwnIndex is most meaningful when comparing your individual values and changes in them over time. OwnIndex can also be interpreted based on gender and age. Locate your OwnIndex on the table below, and find out how your aerobic fitness compares to others of the same gender and age.

Top athletes typically score OwnIndex values above 70 (men) and 60 (women). Olympic-level endurance athletes can reach values as high as 95. OwnIndex is highest in sports that involve large muscle groups, such as running and cross-country skiing.

Men

Age / Years_Very low_Low_Fair_Moderate_Good_Very good_Elite

20-24____< 32__32-37__38-43__44-50__51-56__57-62__> 62

25-29____< 31__31-35__36-42__43-48__49-53__54-59__> 59

30-34____< 29__29-34__35-40__41-45__46-51__52-56__> 56

35-39____< 28__28-32__33-38__39-43__44-48__49-54__> 54

40-44____< 26__26-31__32-35__36-41__42-46__47-51__> 51

45-49____< 25__25-29__30-34__35-39__40-43__44-48__> 48

50-54____< 24__24-27__28-32__33-36__37-41__42-46__> 46

55-59____< 22__22-26__27-30__31-34__35-39__40-43__> 43

60-65____< 21__21-24__25-28__29-32__33-36__37-40__> 40

Women

Age / Years_Very low_Low_Fair_Moderate_Good_Very good_Elite

20-24____< 27__27-31__32-36__37-41__42-46__47-51__> 51

25-29____< 26__26-30__31-35__36-40__41-44__45-49__> 49

30-34____< 25__25-29__30-33__34-37__38-42__43-46__> 46

35-39____< 24__24-27__28-31__32-35__36-40__41-44__> 44

40-44____< 22__22-25__26-29__30-33__34-37__38-41__> 41

45-49____< 21__21-23__24-27__28-31__32-35__36-38__> 38

50-54____< 19__19-22__23-25__26-29__30-32__33-36__> 36

55-59____< 18__18-20__21-23__24-27__28-30__31-33__> 33

60-65____< 16__16-18__19-21__22-24__25-27__28-30__> 30

The classification is based on a literature review of 62 studies where VO2max was measured directly in healthy adult subjects in the USA, Canada and 7 European countries. Reference: Shvartz E, Reibold RC. Aerobic fitness norms for males and females aged 6 to 75 years: a review. Aviat Space Environ Med; 61:3-11, 1990.

so although I am just about to turn 41, it tells me I am elite level for a young man. so that makes me feel pretty good. of course it's only an estimate and I haven't got the bucks to do a real sports medicine test to find my actual VO2 Max.
still what do I care.
look tao, I'm going to have to take my little buddy down to the street and stuff, and then I suppose I better get on and study, top athlete status not with standing, nothing that I do that isn't being a good little worker cog pays the bills.
so I will continue this at another time.
bye for now

get a bit of extra milage from this image

2007-02-17T12:25:00.000-08:00

having posted this as my first entry on Illustration Friday Night I thought I would post it here for you tao as well, although I could have just sent you over there I suppose.
I titled it London Tube Map 2050, which is actually what Mike Moony called it when he saw it. It is just a watercolour that I did last year.
I think that the sound of my typing is disturbing my 'better' half, who to be fair is studying not wasting her fucking time on the internet like I am.
so I might stick a fork in it, and call it an entry
chow

hmm, tired very tired

2007-02-16T15:26:00.000-08:00

and in a bad mood too.
not sure what the story is today
been in a bad mood all day.
had an argument in the street with the driver of a little water truck.
I hate those fucking bastards.
I'm going to go get my camera, download the few piccies on the card and post one of this fucker.
jeez I'm still seething

What the fuck do they think they are acheiving with this?

all they are doing as far as I can see is throw water away, dirty the street, and cause pushbike accidents

and the arsehole had the nerve to tell me not to take photos of him.
at which point I really lost my cool and told him in no uncertain terms to go fuck himself and that I would take photos of what ever I wanted to and dared him to do anything about it, at which point he calmly drove off down the street at 2 miles an hour spraying water over everything.

I hate that I am losing my cool more and more often lately.
living in this enormous densely packed city is really getting to me I suppose.
and reading the sort of stuff I read is also not good for ones calmo meter
but we are really a fucked up bunch of shit in our own nest supposedly sentient beings

every night, it's the same thing. every night! these photos are from last night but I have thousands of similar ones. and there are these collections of enormous bins every ten meters or so, on every street. full of basically packaging and wasted food and organic material from the war on trees, and used once only cartons and crates and polystyrene flat screen tv packaging material and it's driving me bonkers

así que voy a ir me a la cama
I think that's enough ranting for now.
I'll leave out the story of the bunch of young fucksticks who nearly got to relieve my tension in the metro. I could have battered all four to death, even though one was a girl and was laughing at me, the main fucker seemed to get the idea that that mad anglo saxon looked a little too mad and they took off. I will be looking in the local rag for stories of some incident as they were looking for trouble.
jeez I sound like an old fool but I'm not kidding.
I'm going to take my little friend down to the street and not try at all hard to stay out of trouble.

if this is the last post that appears here you will know that I am an old fool after all.

still around ?

2007-02-12T00:06:00.000-08:00

old buddy, old pal.
really shouldn't be here doing this. Be much more useful to be doing some work or even some painting.

oops, looks like I should have cleaned these scans up a bit before posting them.
sorry 'bout the black lines at the edge.
my bad.

this one is really so strange. I still haven't decided if I am wasting my time with it or not. At this point, (above) it has cost me a lot of work but now I have decided to paint a turquoise circle inside each of the blue spaces, as you can see below.

this is obviously going to take me a while more.
(Insert smiley winky face here)
sorry these images come through so small.
it's a very dissapointing aspect of the new blogger. I liked it more when I could put the bigger images on the front page, even though I know that really caused problems for anybody who doesn't have broadband internet access. I suppose that what you lose on the swings you gain on the roundabout.
I have included a detail of a small section of this ongoing work below.

I know you know this, but just in case, by clicking on the image, (or right clicking and choosing open link in new tab, or new window for those stubborn enough to still be using Internet Explorer), you can see a much larger version.

well I really should think about taking my little buddy down to the street and that stuff. although it is raining so he won't be too impressed with that and will not want to actually go out the door. Sometimes I have to carry him to a place that has a few square metres covered and let him have a run around there.
I find it quite incredible that they can build a city in a place where it rains in winter and not include awnings on the buildings so that one can walk around without an umbrella, or should I say with the umbrella folded up. I mean, with the population density that there is here it's not at all easy to walk around under an umbrella. The sidewalks are narrow, in places inexistant, the cars park on them willy nilly, the average Spaniard doesn't give a fuck, or even look before stepping out in front of you and yet there is no protection from the rain. I really can't get my head around most things these days. I guess I am reaching my limits on living in a big city.
I remember that Lucas told me I wouldn't like it, or wouldn't be able to stand it, and I guess he was right really, but I am pretty stubborn as well, and I have now clocked up more than five years.
Well, anyhow, I don't want to get on to bitching about the big city 'cause I might not be able to stop. and speaking of stopping, I really should be thinking about doing something with my day. I am starting to fear that I really might not finish my course in the alloted time and then I will be in a fine pickle.
The book has fallen through, or at least I reached and passed my limits of dealing with the idiots and I really don't have too many options left. Fuck the modern world. I am sure that a few hundred years ago I would have been quite secure at this age and not so disapointed in the human race and therefore a little more amenable to doing what it takes to get along and so forth. But now, in the year of our dog 2007, I am just waiting for the crash. Hope it comes along soon.
-On that uplifting note-
here comes my little buddy to ask me why we are here and not in the street. and I have no good answer, so to the street we must go. so tao, nice to talk to you and see you soon

well that went alright sort of

2006-12-16T12:54:00.000-08:00

once again I apologise tao, if you haven't got a high speed connection to the net my habit of putting the big photos on the front page must really drive you nuts.
but for me it's kinda important as that's the way I like it. I'm sort of assuming that you are either patient or you're not reading this anyway. but who cares. It's here to read if you want to. Don't know when I'll write something that makes the whole thing worth while.

life goes on as usual for me. geologic time scales are bloody frustrating to live through. Well not quite geologic, but something along those lines.
I'll go into that another time.
Ran into an anti-facist march out on Paseo de Extremadura but being with the better-half, who was scurrying from metro entrance to metro entrance, (boca de metro, literally metro mouth sounds better), I didn't stop to join in. I wanted too, but let it ride, as I usually do. Don't really go for people power all that much. Interesting looking bunch though. Just don't know exactly what manifestation of facism they are protesting.

nor would I be able to define well what it would be for me. but it's probably different than theirs.

well I am getting to be super tired, here smoking cones and using my time on writing meaningless drivil to you my estranged pal.
spose I should try again at another time.

until nuevas noticias

I'm going to put up a new banner.

2006-12-16T11:38:00.000-08:00

hi tao, it's been a long time

2006-12-13T05:10:00.000-08:00

well for ever really, but I promise to start writing you more regularly. I've been really busy and a little stressed, but hey, them's the breaks.
before I go any further I should probably say, send more money, or paint. It's lean old times around here. you could send replacement cartriges for an epsom stylus photo R200 if you can get a good deal. They don't have to be genuine ones, but the other ones sometimes dry out in the nozzle and they can be a real pain. Data Becker seem alright, but the black ones don't work well, (aforementioned dry-out problem).
anyway that's enough along those lines, you get the picture, cycling clothes are always good too.
Yesterday I passed twelve thousand kilometers for the year, in peak hour Castellana traffic, right at the overpass at Ruben Dario. I love it when a plan comes together. Went out with Molina and we went to Colmenar via Hoyo de Manzanares and come back on the bike track, and then as that signifies one must cross Madrid north south to get home.
Or maybe you didn't know I had moved. Well now you do. We are now living in an almost humane manner, I'll include some piccies as we go on.
anyway, to go back to my cycling glory story.
twelve thousand kilometers isn't bad for an old drug addict, ¿no?, especially as there's still half of December to go and considering that I missed most of August, all of September and part of October, the best part of the season proper. (maybe I hadn't told you that I got operated on at the start of september, abdominal hernia)
Next year fifteen thousand is my goal. I reckon it's doable.
must give up smoking. Thought of trying eating the stuff, have actually done it a few times but it's the ritual of the coffee and the pipe and all that and the fact I like starving myself so much. That's another thing on my list of must look into changing, bad habits, can't help myself, lost control...
doesn't really work without the music does it.
No, so anyway, to go on; when I continue the nightime fast until well into the next day while drinking coffee and smoking cones I feel more, um, don't know. But I like it. I suppose most people would be horrified. But most people always are. Too horrified to pick up their own dog turds. I don't know who they think is going to pick them up. The street sweepers just ignore them completely, too busy sweeping up the fallen leaves to throw in to the general refuse. FUCK, I could just scream sometimes with having to put up with sharing the planet with this species and knowing that I am one of them, just makes it worse. I mean, doesn't make to much difference that I am conscious of the damage to the effect of the damage. Don't seem to be able to do a damn thing about it. I always thought by about this point I would have a following, or at least a bit of a low, strange media profile and people would ask my opinions about things. and I could yell at them "WAKE UP" like the mogambo idiot. and they would. Just like I always knew I would see the end of a civilisation, but I am still pretty confident about that one, actually.
but time goes by so slowly, sully sully as they call it here, (at least a friend of mine does. You know, Madonna sings that "time goes, by so slowly," and it does sound just like sully sully, even to my english speaking ear)

anyway, I really should get on and do some work. I don't think I have told you yet that I am doing a book project, absolute suicide financially, but it does offer a slim chance, like a lottery ticket, of being some sort of success and therefore vindicating my desision to continue in spite of my rational self screaming in my own ear, "LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE; ONE CAN'T DEAL WITH THE IDIOTS AND COME OUT UNSCATHED" which, coming from so close, was so loud it was painful.

anyhow I might wrap up then by trying to put a few photos in for your perusal. hope you've got the broadband going already or you'll be cursing me, well more than usual.

first off a real cutey, don't you think, technically a shocker, but you're more interested in me than technical perfection, ¿right?, ¿RIGHT?

and this one's pretty cute too. That's just outside the front door. The sign says, roughly, "no loose dogs, no ball games" ha ha ha

that's the front of the house. those three windows top left of center are ours.

and these are all views from the window

love you lots yadda yadda